Self Esteem

Self-esteem is the core issue in social and performance anxiety. It is important to consider the difference between a person who says, “I have lost three battles” from the one who says, “I am a loser”.

Failure has more to do with one’s self-concept than one’s actual unsuccessful experiences.

The person who suffers from social or performance anxiety misinterprets unsuccessful experiences. Not winning, making mistakes, rejection, and failing at something are too often interpreted as a flaw, or an no the core of the person’s being. Unresolved, uncomfortable emotions from the past are activated by “performance” challenges.

Do you think that great homerun hitters like Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Roger Maris, or Barry Bonds are remembered for their strikeouts? As great a basketball player as Michael Jordan is, he missed many more shots than he made. Surely Mick Jagger and Tina Turner missed a few notes in their time. Surely Bill Gates made a few mistakes…

Self-esteem is a sense of liking yourself, liking how you relate to others, feeling personally secure, and not having to prove your manhood or womanhood with external symbols.

Self-esteem Scale

The self-esteem scale below measures how highly you value yourself.

In the past three months indicate how much each of the statements represents the way you think or feel about yourself:

Very Much
Somewhat
Not Very Much
Never
I minimize my abilities
3
2
1
0
I expect others to fault my work
3
2
1
0
I wish I were someone else
3
2
1
0
I make demands on myself
that I would not make on others
3
2
1
0
When I succeed I don’t think I deserve it
3
2
1
0
I like who I am
0
1
2
3
Under pressure I expect things to go wrong
3
2
1
0
I blame myself when things do not work
the way I expect
3
2
1
0

Scoring

Healthy
Fair
Guarded
Unhealthy
Score
0-6
7-10
11-15
16+

Self-Help & Treatment Options

  1. Free Introductory CD
  2. "Social Anxiety the Untold Story”: Comprehensive Self-Help for Sufferers and Families
  3. The book, "Beyond Shyness: How to Conquer Social Anxieties" (Simon & Schuster)
  4. The book, "Work Makes Me Nervous: Self-Help for Performance Anxiety (Wiley and Sons)
  5. Comprehensive self-therapy audio CD program for social and performance anxiety
  6. Public Speaking Anxiety: Self Therapy Audio CD Program
  7. Therapy in Great Neck, New York
  8. Therapy worldwide via telephone or Skype
  9. Selective Mutism Seminar on Audio CD
  10. "Parenting The Selectively Mute Child": Self-therapy Audio CD Program
  11. Free social-ability questionnaire
  12. Subscribe to the Tip of the Month Club
  13. "Social Therapy and the Learning Disabled: A seminar on Audio tape and mp3
  14. Free "Parent Addiction" quiz
  15. AskJonathan: Get your questions about social anxiety answered