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I am afraid I might harm my marriage

Asked By: Anonymous     Views: 1,127 times

I’m a 27 year old married mother of two. I’m not sure if I fit under social anxiety disorder because I simply do not enjoy social interaction outside of my circle. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and children, a friend of ten years and a few other friends, and my grandparents (my family is not close, I only ever hear from my grandparents, but I do not reach out to the other family members, nor they to me. It does not help that they all live in different states…it may be different if they were closer but they are not). I just don’t want to go places. I don’t want to attend parties or family get togethers. I like home…home is familiar, easy to maintain and relax in. I don’t like meeting new people, and I don’t like getting invited to things. I don’t feel that social drive that other people do. I’m happy here. I don’t like recieving favors but I don’t mind giving them. We got invited to a family get-together this weeked and my ‘no thank you’ drive kicked in right away. I just don’t want to do it. I can’t stand the thought of spending five hours with his family. I’m not interested. To me it’s a chore. I’m pretty sure there is nothing that can make me go do that. I’ve been to enough of them in the past…I know what I’m in for. It’s stressful. I have been invited to a birthday party on the same day for a friends son which I am dreading. I feel like I’m in shut-down mode. I just can’t do either of these events. I want to stay home and clean and read. I know he’ll be okay with me staying behind…but how long will that last? Will he always be so understanding? I can’t force myself to branch out…I’ve tried and I always end up disapponted in the end. Is this social anxiety disorder or am I just a happy hermit? I always say the best part about going outside is the part where I come back in.

You are describing alot of social anxiety concurrent with an avoidant-dependent personality. Often; individuals with an "avoidant personality" mistake pleasure for the avoidance of anxiety or discomfort. You do not sound like a "happy hermit". Without getting in-depth into the dynamics you are describing, key questions for you are:

  1. What does your husband really think and feel about the situation?
  2. What is his "payoff" for pathology homeostasis and "enabling" the situation?
  3. What is the core of your emotional pain regarding the process of socialization.
  4. How do you think this scenario is impacting your children?

The following is part of a collection of questions and sharing by our readership community about a wide variety of aspects of social anxiety. Dive in and receive practical insights and advice. If you have a question that is not included you can contact Jonathan at jberent@socialanxiety.com.

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