How can I relax in the simplest of situations?
Asked By: Anonymous Views: 1,574 times
Please help, my problem is I tense up/sweat/blush in simple situations that would be easy for others, but because I've learned so much about how people think through observation of them and jealousy of how other people are so comfortable talking, I have grown accustomed to being the 'one who doesnt socialize properly'. I am a BRILLIANT faker...but people don't know even my family - deep down my mind's working overtime.. I'm so worried about what others think..and my heart's always beating over a hundred times a minute!
I think the basis is definitely being the shy one as a kid, the one who NEVER spoke - only to a certain group of people... it was weird 4/7 fellas I could be comfortable with and the other 3 I would freeze and get embarassed if I made a rattle with my pen... Same with the girls - the more popular 'cooler' ones I would never ever speak to... I couldn't understand why... I was the only one who had this problem.
The older I got the more aware I was and the more I looked into it... therefore the worse I got. Bad mistake! Now I'm 19 and my faking skills are proper good. I've improved a lot but deep down I really can't stand myself because I know what i'm doing.
My last bf had aspergers syndrome and therefore i was never emphasized much with at all, he didn't let me have an opinion and he always was the one who talked for me. My mum was always like this, so my negativity got worse. Now i've a new bf..so far its ok.
Anyway I want to know how can i stop nipping myself when i realise someone's judging me, looking away and acting awkward to hide my blushing, sweating if i've 'tried to hard' in a social interaction..swearing heavily a few seconds later or when i remember these situations.
I have to be honest I've used 'the secret' to help me, but when i'm alone i feel depressed and almost suicidal. I just wish I could be happy in myself that's all I've ever wanted!
“Depressed and suicidal” are very serious words. The cause of your depression is the excessive and toxic content in your internal critical script; the messages that you give yourself that are unrealistic, and those which breed poor self esteem. It is important to be clear on how you learned this negative content. The sweating -blushing problem is an obsessive and compulsive combination of autonomic hypersensitivity associated with the excessive emotions of embarrassment-shame etc. You could spend years in “traditional” therapy with professionals who do not understand the previous diagnostics.
The way that you stop “nipping” yourself is to learn how to nurture your “natural child” mind state. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and to manage your emotions rather than them controlling you. Along the way you will need to employ more logic instead of exaggerated emotion.
If you really want to help yourself you will learn that the personality is comprised of 5 “mind states”. Each state is comprised of specific energy. There is no such thing as a “bad” state. The issue is the balance, or synergy (of these states). You need to learn to balance the states by increasing your “Nurturing Parent “, “Adult”, and “Natural Child” states. As you do this your excessive “Critical Parent” and “Adapted Child” will decrease.
I am answering your question in technical terms because of it’s profound nature. An overly simplistic answer would not give it justice.
The question is “do you have the motivation to learn what I am talking about?” It takes work to resolve anxiety and depression. All of this content is in my new book; “Work Makes Me Nervous”.
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