Need help with Social Anxiety and Performance Anxiety
Asked By: Anonymous Views: 1,325 times
I know I have had social/ performance anxiet since 7th grade maybe even sooner. With sports, getting up at bat and my heart pounding right before i would swing or when it was hit to me at 2nd grade, being in the hallways when I used to be teased back in middle school and feeling that everyone was talking about me, in highschool walking across the cafeteria and feeling like I was being stared at, not going in certain social groups because i felt unwanted, in college through public speaking, walking into a bar and being insecure to say hi to people, stuttering, talking to a guy i liked and being so nervous my whole face would shut red and i would sweat. Now it effects me by not being able to be involved in group discussion in my masters program because i feel like everyone is judging me, wont cook in front of my boyfriend because i feel to insecure, wont engage in certain conversations or completly expressing my thoughts and ideas because i feel like i already messed up, believing that people have negative feelings about me and that i should leave the proximity, wont carry out conversations with people who are authoritive because i get way to nervous, transforming my friends to “enemies” opposed to should be the people i love. I think you can get it…. Funny thing is I am a outgoing person with potential that I KNOW is there. I have worked myself through school and to the program I wanted. I will put (or force) myself out there for public speaking. (Although i CANNOT effectively get my point across and it interferes with my work 100% I cannot think right when I feel like being evaluated.) I can take criticsm i feel like it will make me better knowing the things i can work on. I know i am in control of my sweating red face shakiness. I try my best to control it and regulate it but when my irrationality takes over there is no returning althought i will still carry the task out. I dont get embarrased really i am a laid back person i just can feel the anxiety coming. My personality and this disorder just feel like it contradicts and it just doesnt make sense. Do all other people get this way to some point? Do I need to jsut focus on myself like I have been saying for years now? I feel like it comes in waves, maybe eveyr 4 weeks. and when its gone I am back to normal. It is ruining the person I want to be. I WANT to be succesfull in my profession and I want to live up to my full potential. I really do. How am I suppose to be good at what I do if I cant be confident although I KNOW i am competant enough. I feel like something is screaming inside me and I think one good trait about myself is that i can put it aside and go on with my life. Although it comes back during every situation. Ironic thing is I am a psychology major. I am aware of most things and I am educated enough to know I have a problem. As much as I say to myself i am strong enough and I’ll just practice in social situations because I am a determined, hardworking individual. I got myself out of depression 4 years ago. But I cannot shake this and now that I am in my young proffessional stage it is deterioating me instead of allowing myself to progress. My “ideal” therapy would be something to do with individual counseling, group talk, individual practice for public speaking. I’m embarrassed to talk to anyone. I dont want to worry my mom, my sister is a ex-substance abuser, i dont talk to my dad about close things, i feel like my friends will judge me, and i feel liek my new boyfriend will think I am not worthy enough for long term. I know I can be stubborn but i dont want to hear what i have and the terms that associate. im sick of it. I barely have health insurance and I am so broke so a therapist isnt in the picture. I just want help and to OVERCOME THIS. I need advice, your help. please.
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